The Unshown Pain
by rover5
Summary: Blaine has a panic attack in the choir room. Kurt takes him home and cares for him. Kind of the aftermath of 'On my way' (3x14). It shows an anxious, disoriented and self-harming Blaine. Blaine does cut and self-harm, though this isn't graphic (TW). With mainly Blaine, Kurt and Burt. I hope this summarises it, enjoy the Blangst!
1. Chapter 1

Blaine felt like he was going to puke while on his way to the choir room, but he knew it was his last period and he could also see Kurt, the most exciting thing this day would bring him. As soon as Kurt saw Blaine walking in the hallway, he started to worry. Blaine looked the palest he had ever been and his eyebrows were down. But when he walked into the choir room, he immediately put up a smile and greeted Mr. Shue. When Blaine sat next to Kurt in the back of the room, he let his smile down. Kurt didn't know what was going on. Was Blaine just sick? Did he have a sad day? Was he having problems with his anxiety? He didn't dare to ask.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked quietly, not wanting other members to hear him. "I feel sick and tired Kurt." That's all Blaine managed to answer. Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and with his other hand he guided Blaine's head to his shoulder. "You can just rest on me, its fine." Blaine relaxed as soon as his head reached Kurt's shoulder, but Kurt could see the tears in his eyes. _'He definitely doesn't have the flu'_, Kurt thought to himself. Still wondering what might have happened today, Blaine seemed the be same as when he walked in again. They only had about 30 minutes left of Glee, but Kurt noticed Blaine had now turned his head and the back of it was facing Mr. Shue, who didn't seem to notice. Kurt started rubbing comforting circles on Blaine's back with his left hand, his right was still intertwined with that of his boyfriend. After thinking Blaine was doing better for about 5 minutes, Blaine's leg started to tremble and not long after that his hands. Kurt recognized the shaking from Blaine's panic attack, when he just had his first week of Glee at McKinley and Finn didn't seem to be so welcoming as the boys would've thought.

_"__What's going on Blaine? Why are you shaking? Are you cold?" Kurt asked his boyfriend who was sitting in the locker room. "I- I- I-" those were the only words Blaine could get out of his mouth before gasping for air, tears started falling down his face. "Blaine, its okay. I'm here, don't worry. Here, take my hand, just try to squeeze it okay?" Kurt thought those words were the most calming but the way he said them didn't make them. He jumped to the ground as soon as Blaine started gasping for air, Kurt thought this might a panic attack. "Just breathe with me, look" Kurt pointed to his chest, taking exaggerated breaths. After about 10 minutes Blaine started to calm down, only because Kurt was rocking him back and forth. _

Kurt stopped rubbing circles and instead took his hand and put it on Blaine's thigh, hoping to somehow stop him from shaking. "There's only 20 minutes left Blaine, I'm right here." Kurt was getting worried, but also shocked because Blaine hadn't made a single sound causing no one to look at them. Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek and ear, he then started saying comforting words in his boyfriends ear. After another 5 minutes Blaine seemed to be doing alright, but still on edge. "Just 15 more minutes Blaine, so its only Rachel talking in 5 minutes from now." Kurt tried to say it with a smirk, hoping the joke would make Blaine relax more. But then his whole plan seemed to be worthless only because of a comment Mr. Shuester said. The only words Blaine heard were "..not good enough..", but that did the trick. He jumped off of Kurt, "Using the restroom" were the last words he could say and started running to the door. Mr. Shue and the other Glee club members looked kind of shocked but didn't want to say anything, but luckily Kurt was faster. "I'm checking on Blaine!"

He already knew what he was going to see, but needed to help Blaine. Running to the door, he saw Blaine lying on the ground only a few feet from him away. Blaine couldn't walk further than that, he was too tired and thought he was going to faint. At the sight of Blaine gasping for air on the floor, Kurt started running faster to his boyfriend. "Blaine, look at me! Its me Kurt, I'm here." Kurt took Blaine to the wall where they both sat down, backs leaning on the wall. Blaine, still gasping, heaving and shaking, was also crying in silence. "Breathe with me Blaine, in- and out- 5." Blaine was still feeling dizzy, he put his head on Kurt's lap, hoping the dizziness would go away. Blaine tried so hard to follow his boyfriends breath, but he just couldn't do it. Kurt started thinking about another solution, the only thing he could think of was taking Blaine's mind somewhere else where breathing wasn't his main concern. "Remember last week when we got ice cream even though it was still chilly outside? I had so much fun with you Blaine, it was really nice." Kurt could see Blaine was trying to say something, but he physically couldn't. "I know Blaine, I know you had fun too. I think we can do it again tonight, my dad won't really mind, I'm sure." Blaine started crying even more, not being able to say anything. Kurt decided to start rocking Blaine while giving him the tightest hug he could give. He kissed Blaine on his cheeks and neck, hoping for the best. "I love you Blaine."_ A kiss on his cheek._ "You are going to be okay, just try to follow me. I love you Blaine."_ A kiss on his eye_, Kurt's heart broke a little tasting the salt water in his mouth. "I'm so proud of everything you do, like when you brought the house down with Tony, when you sing and dance… I love you so much Blaine, everything's okay when we're together." Blaine was shaking even harder en gasping for so much air, it was getting really dangerous. "Mr. Shue!" Kurt shouted with panic and heartbreak in his voice, Mr. Shuester fasting to the boys. "He's having a panic attack, and cant seem to calm down. I tried everything, said words of comfort to him, but its not working." Mr. Shue looked very worried, and started talking to Blaine. "Blaine you need to take slow and easy breaths with Kur-" That's all Blaine could hear before fainting.

"BLAINE" Kurt screamed with tears flowing over his face, not caring about other students hearing him.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I know its been a while, but I finally have time to write again. I had a hard exam today, so now I can relax haha. As far as the story goes, I think I am going to make this scene about 2-3 parts long, and then I'm going to make another 'one-shot'. If you have a prompt that involves (Klaine) angst, message me, I'll see what I can do! Oh and real quick, I've read a lot of fics and most of them write about Blaine's parents not being around much. I kind of like this idea, so I'm using it in my story as well. Also because I love Burt and Blaine together. I hope you like the story, if so please leave a review!**

Blaine's panic attack part 2

"What do we do?" Kurt tried to sound normal, but after every word he was sobbing. Mr. Shue appeared calm, but he was also stressing inside. "I can take him." Finn said. Kurt looked around, surprised, the whole club had gathered around him and his boyfriend. "I think that'll be a good idea, Finn. We can take him to the nurses office, she already left anyway since the last period ended an hour ago." Finn took Blaine while Kurt still held his hand. Finn and Kurt were walking to the nurses office with Mr. Shue, the others staying behind, not wanting to overstep their boundaries. Blaine started waking up halfway, tears still flowing. He didn't say a word, he was still very disorientated and closed his eyes again.

Finn laid Blaine down on the bed, this time really waking him up. "Kurt?!" Blaine tried getting up, starting to panic again, but was held down by Mr. Shue and Finn. "Shh Blaine. Try to lay down for a little okay?" Blaine wanted to protest, but he just didn't have the energy. Mr. Shue crouched down next to Blaine, laying his hand on Blaine's arm. "I think it's a good idea to stay here for a while Blaine, maybe drink some water. I'll call your parents." Blaine opened his mouth, but Kurt already started talking. "His parents are away Mr. Shue. Don't worry, I'll call my dad." Kurt took Blaine's hand, preparing his boyfriend for what he was about to say. "I'm going to call my dad Blaine. I'll be right back, don't worry." Kurt walked out of the office, his phone already in his hand. Blaine immediately started panicking again and stood up. "No dude you have to say here. You just _fainted_." Finn grabbed Blaine's shoulders, hoping he would obey. "No, no, no. I- I- I need to go to Kurt. I can't. Please let me go. Please!" Blaine was practically screaming. Mr. Shue made eye contact with Finn and together they held Blaine down, and made him lay on the bed. "I'm sorry Blaine, but you have to stay calm. Otherwise you will faint again." Blaine was shaking under Finn's and Mr. Shue's grip, but he had to accept. "Just close your eyes for a bit.", Mr. Shue said, hoping it would calm the boy down. Luckily it seemed to work fairly quick.

"Kurt, buddy, you home already? Something wrong at home?" Burt asked his son, with little to no worry in his voice. "Dad?", Kurt said in the tiniest voice. "What's wrong Kurt?", this time Burt had worry in his voice. "Blaine just had a panic attack, I", Kurt paused for a moment, he couldn't hold his tears back any longer. "I really tried to calm him down, you know? I tried everything, but he just couldn't listen." Kurt sniffed,_ 'get yourself together'_ he thought. "Is he okay now? Is there something else, bud? Don't worry Kurt, I'm sure you did your best." Burt thought back to about three weeks ago when he heard crying coming down from his son's room, but recognizing it wasn't the sound of Kurt. "No, it's not okay. He fainted. He was out for almost ten minutes. And his parents aren't even home." Kurt started crying again, not used to feeling so helpless. "Do you want me to come get you guys?", Burt asked already knowing the answer. "Please dad. He needs us.". "I'll be there in 15 minutes, don't worry." Burt grabbed his keys and raced to the car.

"Is he sleeping?" Finn asked Mr. Shue, while taking a few steps closer to his step-brothers boyfriend. "Just let him be Finn. He's calm now.", Mr. Shue answered when Kurt came back inside. "He'll be here in 15 minutes." Kurt took Blaine's hand again, and started wiping the tears from his boyfriends face with his other hand. "Do we need to wake him or something?", Finn looked at Kurt with questioned eyes. "He's not sleeping. He's just really out of it.", Kurt said while squeezing his hand a little bit tighter. Kurt could tell by the way Blaine was breathing and by the way he was laying that he wasn't sleeping. Kurt couldn't forget Blaine sleeping next to him last weekend that easy. After about 15 minutes Kurt's phone rang. "Kurt, I'm in front of the main entry. You coming to me, or do I need to come to you?", Burt asked. "We're coming dad.", its all Kurt could manage. He felt Blaine tensing, Kurt knew he probably wasn't going to be able to walk immediately. Blaine was _so_ out of it. "Can you take him again Finn? Dad's by the main entry." . "Yeah sure", Finn picked Blaine up, this he could feel a slight resistance. They had only taken a few steps but Blaine had started 'waking up' again. "Kurt? Kurt? Please take me. I don't like this anymore.", Blaine said while still breathing uneasy. Finn looked at Kurt for approval, but he was still thinking. "I can't hold you Blaine." "It doesn't matter, I can walk.", Blaine answered weakly. "Okay" Kurt said, immediately slipping his arm under Blaine's waist once Finn had let go of him. "Let's walk", he said as he could feel Blaine was heavily dependent on his boyfriend.

When the group of men got to the car, Blaine was looking pale again and gasping for air. "Sit with him in the back Kurt, and make sure he puts his head between his legs. That way he can breathe better.", Burt said, opening the back door for the two boys. "Can you drive my car Finn? Here are my keys.", Kurt asked his step-brother. "Yeah, I can do that.", Finn didn't know how to respond. Blaine was finally settled again, Kurt rubbing circles on his back, just like in the choir room. "Shh Blaine. I love you.", Kurt said close to Blaine's ear. He gave him a little peck and his ear. "We're going to my house, Blaine.", Kurt said to Blaine just so he knew what was happening, he was a bit disorientated. "Yes, my parents are away Kurt. I thought you knew.", Blaine answered. _'He's really out of it'_, Kurt thought while a tear fell from his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So its been a while (again). I had tried writing before, but I just didn't know where to take this story and had a bit of a writers block to be honest. After writing this, I felt as if this could actually just be a story on its own. I still am going to add different kinds of angst and more angst for Kurt, but I need to finish this storyline first. What do you think? I also believe in the first chapter I wrote that Kurt's room was downstairs, but I'm changing it to upstairs (as in season 3). Furthermore, I'd like to apologise for some spelling errors I wrote in previous chapters. I was reading everything today and saw some mistakes, sorry. Hope you enjoy this new chapter, if so, please let me know!**

"Kurt? We're almost here kid." Kurt's attention was snatched by his father, he had been closely watching Blaine the entire car ride, still concerned. Blaine hadn't said anything, his eyes were open but the only thing he seemed to look at was the floor of Burt's car. "Oh, okay. Blaine? Honey, we're here. You ready?", Kurt asked his silent boyfriend. Blaine tilted his head a little, he now could see they were parked outside Kurt's house. He didn't say anything, just let his boyfriend move him out of the car. Kurt pushed Blaine's shoulders up and took his hand, Burt had already opened the door for them. "Should we just take him upstairs dad?" Kurt asked while looking at Blaine, holding on to Kurt as a lifeline, barely breathing. "No, let's sit on the couch first." Burt said to the smaller boy. He was still not answering and seemed to still be disorientated. "We're going to the couch Blaine, do you know where that is?" Burt asked scared. Blaine started to look around, tears forming in his eyes. He looked at Kurt, hoping he could help him. "Blaine shh. It's okay. You feel this?" Kurt asked while squeezing his hand. Blaine squeezed back, still looking at Kurt. "He can feel and move. He just squeezed my hand." Kurt said to his dad, trying to reassure them both. "You know where the couch is?" Kurt asked this time, Blaine squeezed again. Kurt looked at his father with a confirming look.

Burt pushed Blaine lightly in his lower back, Kurt leading him with his hand. "Let's sit down son" Burt said to Blaine. "I'm getting some water. Does he need anything right now Kurt?" he asked his son. "No just give us a minute. It'll be fine." Kurt answered while touching Blaine's hair. Burt went to the kitchen while Kurt sat next to Blaine, starting to put his arm around Blaine's shoulder. Blaine immediately accepted the embrace and laid his head on Kurt's chest. Kurt held onto him as tight as possible, still shaken. "I- I-" Blaine was trying to start a sentence, but sighed in defeat. Kurt just held him tighter and kissed the top of his curls. "Take your time" Kurt said. "I'm so sorry Kurt" Blaine said while starting to sob again. "Shh Blaine. You have nothing to be sorry about. Don't worry, this happens. Please just talk to me. Whatever you want to do, we'll make it happen." Kurt said while cupping Blaine's face. Blaine nodded and hugged his boyfriend. He started crying in Kurt's shoulder when he felt an unfamiliar hand on his shoulder. "You want some water bud?" Burt looked with sympathetic eyes. Blaine took the water, still his hands shaking. "Thanks, s-s-sir" he answered. Done with the water, he turned back to his boyfriend. He was so tired and fell asleep almost immediately. Kurt just sat there while talking to his dad. "Do you need anything else?" his father asked him quietly, not wanting to wake Blaine. "No I'm just going to stay like this for a while. He's exhausted, this is the worst attack I've seen in months. And he wasn't in his or my room. He held everything in." Kurt answered sighing. Blaine started waking up again, gasping for air. "Shh. It's okay" Kurt said softly. Blaine took the same position as his sleeping position, laying on Kurt, just not sleeping.

After about an hour of Blaine laying in Kurt's arms, Kurt thought it would be better to move to a safer place, this way he could ask Blaine about the panic attack. "Blaine?", Blaine looked up, his face significantly less pale and disoriented. "You want to-" Kurt was interrupted by his boyfriend smiling at him and nodding. "Yeah" he said with a sigh, "I-I-I'd like to". "Dad, we're just going upstairs okay?" Kurt asked, with Blaine holding onto him, still weak. "Sure. Let me help you bud." Burt said to the struggling boy. Blaine already had trouble with standing, let alone walking. Climbing the stairs was tougher than they had thought. Blaine was still so weak that he could barely move, Burt and Kurt had to put their arms under the boy. Blaine was trying with his eyes closed, he couldn't see much with his eyes open anyway. Halfway up, Burt stopped his son and said: "I'll just carry him Kurt, this isn't working." Blaine now had seemed to be very disorientated once again. He didn't even budge when Burt carried him up the remaining stairs.

Burt put Blaine on Kurt's bed, who seemed to be totally out of it. "Blaine buddy? You gotta stay awake for me, you're worrying us." Blaine opened his eyes and was about to speak when he could feel two familiar arms around him. "Where are you Blaine?" Burt asked, still not convinced about the whole disorienting situation. "I- uhm, uhm… Kurt". He didn't ask for help from his boyfriend this time, he meant he was with Kurt. The room he recognized and the arms did help him. "Okay good" Burt answered, and started looking at his son; "Look after him" he said with a pushing undertone. Kurt took Blaine's hands and rubbed them with his thumbs, hoping to be able to make Blaine focus again. He lied next to him, kissed Blaine's cheeks and neck. Blaine seemed to be returning to a relaxing state.

"Blaine", Kurt said with a quiet voice, "do you want something more comfortable to wear?" Kurt asked him, holding a hoodie and sweatpants in his hands. Kurt had got off the bed 5 minutes prior, lighting a scented candle. Blaine nodded. "I'll help you, come on, sit up honey. It won't take long, just stay like this." Kurt said when Blaine sat up. He took off Blaine's bowtie, cardigan and blouse. He kissed both sides of Blaine's shoulder and put the hoodie on. After finishing with the sweatpants, Blaine lied down again, wanting to sway in darkness. Kurt put his pyjama's on as well, and lied down next to his boyfriend. "So, what's going on?" Kurt asked as he wiped the left over tears from Blaine's face. Blaine closed his eyes even tighter, not wanting to answer. He started hyperventilating again and took Kurt's hand. "Shh. It's okay. I'm right here remember? You feel my grip?" Blaine had started crying again, but managed to nod at his significant other. "Shh don't worry" , Kurt lead Blaine's head to his shoulder with his free hand. It broke his heart to feel his body getting wet with his boyfriend's tears. Luckily Blaine was calmed down quite fast this time. "It's just" Blaine took a long pause, looking at Kurt, "it's the Karofsky thing. I'm sorry. I know I don't have the right to feel this way. I-I j-j-just" Blaine couldn't speak anymore. Kurt stroked Blaine's hair, not being surprised by the answer. They had talked about it the week it happened. Kurt knew about Blaine's mental health problems and Blaine knew about Kurt's struggles.

**A/N: And I'm keeping it at that. It's already a lot and I actually have inspiration now, so I know where I'm going to take this story. Don't worry, it'll come! Thank you for reading and congrats on making it all the way to the (temporary) end.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I feel like I'm always apologizing for not posting another chapter, so I'm just not going to do that anymore. I will say, writing this chapter took me weeks! To be honest, this chapter was really tough to write. I just didn't know how to write an easy to read story, with all my plans for the story. Anyways, I'm also starting another story about Blaine being hit by his dad. I know it's overdone, but I really dig those stories and I already have an idea for the storyline. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: this chapter contains flashbacks. I will write the flashbacks in cursive, so it'll be clear when the story is present or past.

"Blaine, you do have the right to feel this way. You don't have to suppress your feelings just because I'm hurting too." Blaine nodded, but was still crying. "I know, I just. It made me think about that thing we've talked about. And you, I really don't want to lose you. I really don't Kurt. I n-need y-you." Blaine stood up, pacing around the room. "I can't do it without you Kurt. Please don't leave me." Blaine was hyperventilating again. Kurt rushed towards him, holding him tight. "I wont leave you Blaine. Please just calm down baby, it's okay. I love you" Kurt wanted to cry, but he had to calm Blaine, who was trembling again. "I can't Kurt. I'm sorry. I really need it. I've been trying these past few weeks not to. But I- I need it. Please help me Kurt." Blaine started shaking and crying more. "I'm here. You will beat these few weeks, I'll be there to help you. You're stronger than you think Blaine." Kurt answered. They stayed in the embrace for a couple of minutes, comforting each other.

"Let's get some water okay?" Kurt looked at Blaine, he had so much terror in his eyes, it broke Kurt's heart. Kurt took Blaine's hand and led him downstairs. Every step they took, Blaine looked around himself, as if someone was there. Kurt stopped walking, halfway down the stairs, and watched him. Kurt knew Blaine could get out of his head, but multiple times in one day? He hadn't seen that in long time.

"Blaine?" Kurt touched his chin and turned Blaine's face to look at him. "You're at my house, remember? I'm here to help you." Kurt was worried, but hoped Blaine would be okay in a while. Blaine sighed and nodded "Okay". Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand, and started walking down the stairs again. Kurt could hear the television, happy his father was still there for assistance if needed. He also heard Blaine having trouble breathing once more, "Kurt", Blaine shook his boyfriends arm. They were now standing close by the entrance to the living room. "What's wrong? Everything's okay Blaine. You're doing really well. Hey, I love you." Kurt answered, but the worry was still imprinted on Blaine's face. "Sorry for-…. I don't want to be a burden. I should just wait here. I'll disturb everything, I'm already here which he doesn't like. I'm sorry." Blaine said while looking in the living room, clearly talking about Burt. Kurt's heart hurt, he didn't want his boyfriend to feel like a burden in his own home. He pulled Blaine into a tight hug, rubbing his back and kissing his cheek. "Let's go" Kurt said with a gentle, yet pushing voice.

It broke Burt's heart, hearing the boy talk. He loved Blaine as one of his own, and seeing him in such a state where these were his actual thoughts, was difficult. He almost wanted to run up to the kid and hug him, but knew Kurt had that duty for now.

"Hey dad" Kurt said softly, pulling his boyfriend to the kitchen. "We just going to drink some water." He said, looking at him with a 'keep an eye out' face. Blaine just stood there, looking right in front of him. Kurt was looking at his boyfriend, trying to make clear they were going to start walking again. "Blaine" Kurt said. "Right. Uhm- Hi sir." Blaine said and he let Kurt pull him into the kitchen. Kurt made him sit on a chair while he went to the drawers, looking for two glasses. Blaine knew they were going to talk what had happened today, but still he was so anxious. He started thinking about Karofsky again, which heightened his anxiety even more. He started digging his fingernails into the skin of his wrist. Hurting himself was bad, he knew. It just had happened one day, and then whenever he felt like drowning, he had something to ground him. Luckily Kurt didn't notice him, busy getting the drinks ready. Once all settled, Kurt sat close to Blaine. "Blaine" Kurt said in a worried voice. Blaine didn't look at his boyfriend. He kept his attention to his nails, giving him relief. "Blaine stop" Kurt said, this time more angry than worried. Kurt took Blaine's hand, the one busy with digging, and with Kurt's other hand, he rubbed the newly made wound. It took Kurt back to the first time he had learnt about Blaine's nasty 'habit'.

_It was a normal Saturday night, Kurt staying at Blaine's house for the weekend. "Thanks for the dinner Mrs. Anderson, it was lovely." Kurt said to Blaine's mom with a smile. "I agree Kurt, it was great. As always, must I add. Thank you Pam" Blaine's dad said. "I think we're going to watch a movie in my room. Is it okay if we go upstairs?" Blaine asked his parents. "Sure honey. Just come downstairs for a bit after you've finished the movie, I want to kiss you guys goodnight!" Pam said with a sarcastic tone, but meant what she said. "Of course mom" Blaine answered, waiting for Kurt to get out of his seat. _

_As he was kicking off his shoes and settling on the bed, Kurt said smiling: "So, what'd you have in mind? Romantic, comedy, drama?" "Actually… I-I need to talk to you about something. I wanted to tell you earlier, but it just wasn't the right time." Blaine said, looking at the floor. Kurt scooted across the bed so he could sit right next his boyfriend. "okay, you can tell me." Kurt said, taking Blaine's hand. "well you know about my school experience before Dalton. And you know I have some 'happiness problems'. This is something about that. Its- I don't know. You just need to know before.. something happens. I want to be the one to tell you. Not my body." Blaine said with watery eyes. "I-uh-I do this thing. Or used to do. It's pretty stupid." He looked at Kurt for validation. Kurt nodded and kissed Blaine's hand. "I used to hurt myself. You know, the way people talk about it. It used to be bad, but it's manageable now." Blaine said while a tear fell down his face, but stayed strong. "Sometimes I-I still do these things. I try, you know? Please tell me you still love me" Blaine said desperately. Kurt hugged him. "I'll always love you Blaine." Kurt softly answered, comforting Blaine who was obviously distressed. "Thank you for trusting me, I'm going to help you. I'm here for you." Kurt said, hoping his words were enough for Blaine. _

"Is this better for you? I think it is, so I'm holding your hand for now, okay?" Kurt asked, looking at Blaine's nails. Even Kurt was nervous, he really didn't want Blaine to have another panic attack, his boyfriend had been through enough today. "Okay" Blaine sighed, looking at Kurt as a way of saying that he was ready to talk. "Tell me" Kurt said, deeply looking into his boyfriends eyes. "Tell me what's going on. I know the basics, but please. What happened at school today honey?" Kurt was trying not to push his boyfriend too much, but he really wanted answers. Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand and looked at him with watery eyes. "I was just thinking about it all day. About my thoughts two years ago, about your thoughts last year and about me now. I just-I just want to make everyone happy this year. And I feel like I'm failing." He said with a lump in his throat. "And I don't want to lose you Kurt. And you were so upset about Dave and I was so scared. And scared for myself. It was too much. I-I really wanted to do it" Blaine said or cried, he was really doing both. He crashed his body into Kurt's, looking for love and support. "I'm so sorry for not telling you everything yesterday. I know I should've right away!" Blaine was practically screaming into Kurt's chest. "I love you" and "You're okay" was all Kurt said, but it was enough.

After Blaine calmed down, he immediately took his nails to his arm. He knew Kurt saw it, but they both didn't say anything about it for the first five minutes. Kurt knew Blaine didn't even think about it, it was an automatic reaction. "Blaine" Kurt said softly, not wanting to worry Burt. "Blaine, come on. It's okay, please stop." Kurt took Blaine's hand once again. "I love you, please don't hurt yourself. We're going to lay down and relax. It'll be alright. I'll text your parents, they'll understand." Kurt stood up and pulled Blaine up too. They walked to the couch, Kurt laid down first, this way Blaine could lie next to, or kind of _on _his boyfriend. Kurt looked at Burt and mouthed 'hi, sorry, thank you'.

Burt didn't say much, he just watched the two boys. He was so proud of his son, he had become such a caring person. He was sad for him though, the boy he fell in love with was struggling much more than they both could handle. And it showed, Blaine was asleep in Kurt's embrace in less than fifteen minutes. Seeing Blaine and Kurt, he remembered the last time he saw Blaine struggling with anxiety, depression and self-harm.

_"__Kurt! Your phone's going off again! Come here, someone's calling you!" Burt yelled to Kurt, still in his room upstairs. "It's probably Blaine dad! You can answer him, I'm coming!" Kurt yelled back. Burt sighed, kids these days. They always want to be online, but when someone actually wants to talk to them they don't have the time. Burt took the phone, looking at the screen he saw Kurt was right, it was Blaine who was calling. Burt answered, already starting to tell Blaine it was in fact him on the line, not Kurt, but Blaine was faster. Burt heard heavy breathing and hiccups on the other end. _

_"__I'm sorry Kurt, I really am. I know I-I should have told you sooner, I d-d-did it again. Omg I'm so s-sorry." Blaine was on the verge of having a panic attack, Burt needed to say something. "Blaine, Blaine stop. Calm down. You're alright-" Burt wanted to keep talking but was interrupted by his son's boyfriend. _

_"__Oh-uh Burt. I-I-I'm sorry. I was calling for K-Kurt. I-I-uh I got to go." Blaine was crying, it didn't take a scientist to hear that. Burt didn't know what to do, he had never seen Blaine emotionally vulnerable about his problems. "Blaine no. You got the right number. Kurt's coming. Everything alright bud?" Burt tried to be as sweet as possible, but really he didn't have a clue what to do. "Oh. Y-y-es s-s-ir. I-I really need to talk to K-Kurt." Blaine was trying to stay strong, not wanting Burt to think badly about him. _

**A/N: I don't really know what I want anymore, please leave some suggestions on how this story could go on. This 'scene' isn't done, but I really wanted to give you guys another chapter, its been too long. I'm going to think about everything, at least this scene I know where I want it to go, but after that- no idea. Help! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Guys! I'm back from the dead! It's been an awful long time since I updated and I finally had some new ideas. I hope everyone is doing okay during quarantine?**

**Disclaimer: This chapter starts with a 'scene' from last chapter. I recommend reading it if you haven't. Also, the flashbacks are still written in cursive. **

_Burt didn't know what to do for those two seconds. Yell to Kurt, talk to Blaine? He decided on the latter, he thought calming Blaine down was a bit more important. "Blaine? Just breathe for me buddy, I'm getting Kurt right now, okay?" Burt held his hand on the phone so Blaine couldn't hear him yelling. "Kurt! Somethings not right with Blaine! Come down here!" He immediately heard heavy footsteps coming down and before he even knew it, Kurt had taken the phone out of hand and was talking to his boyfriend. _

_"__Blaine?", Kurt looked scared Burt thought to himself. Burt could hear a few words at a time, Kurt was mostly listening to Blaine crying. "It's okay B", "I know, I know, breathe", in the meantime Kurt was collecting his keys and jacket. "Blaine, where are you baby? It's alright. I'm coming to get you, okay?", Kurt looked Burt deep in the eyes and mouthed 'I'll be back', before running out the door. _

_Kurt jumped in his car and raced over to the location Blaine had given him. And there he was, sitting on one of the swings from the playground only a couple feet from Blaine's house. He was crying, his hands in his hair and not wearing any long sleeves. Kurt could see the bloodlines from his car, he fastened his pace to Blaine. _

_"__Blaine?" Kurt said while gently placing a hand on Blaine's shoulder. He knew to be gentle, his boyfriend could get completely out of his head and he didn't want to scare him. Blaine looked up and saw Kurt, his breathing immediately slowed down. _

_"__Kurt", Blaine said it so breathless it was heart-breaking to hear. Kurt rubbed his shoulder, "It's okay". He held out his other hand and waited for Blaine to take it. They slowly walked over to Kurt's car, Blaine still silently hiccupping. When Kurt walked Blaine to the door, he hugged him, as tightly as possible. "We're going to my house, okay?" Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear. He could feel Blaine nodding and let go of him. Kurt helped Blaine sit down and once he was also in his seat, he took Blaine's hand. Kurt didn't dare to put on the radio, he wanted to give Blaine his full attention. The car ride was quiet, only Kurt's 'it doesn't matter' drifted throughout the car a few times while Blaine just let his tears flow. _

_Blaine slept a bit on the way to Kurt's house, and when Kurt led his boyfriend to the living room, he didn't even budge. He was completely out of it. Kurt kissed his forehead, and turned around seeing his dad, he bit his lip. What was he supposed to say to his dad? He had never told him about Blaine's anxiety and self-harm, and he didn't think it was fair to tell him. That decision was only Blaine's to make. Kurt decided to avoid his father's questioning look and get the things he needed to support Blaine. Kurt turned back around and rubbed Blaine's upper arms. "I'm getting some water and a sweatshirt, I'll be right back B", he walked to the stairs and took Burt's arm to leave Blaine alone. _

_Once they got to the stairs, Kurt immediately walked to his room and got his old Dalton sweatshirt, one of his boyfriends favourites to wear if he was staying over. He almost fell down the stairs, trying to get back to Blaine as soon as possible, but Burt stopped him. "What's going on Kurt?", he sounded concerned, but Kurt could definitely hear his dad's somewhat angry undertone. "I'll talk to you about it later dad. As you can tell I have something more important to take care of first" he said. He usually wasn't this rude to his father, but couldn't he just wait? He had seen how distressed Blaine was after all. _

_After putting on the Dalton sweatshirt and giving him some water, Kurt took Blaine to his room. While Kurt had been getting the water Blaine had cleaned his arm up with his shaking fingers, at least trying to minimize the damage. "I'm so sorry" Blaine sobbed, looking at his arm and back to Kurt. He felt extremely guilty, he had promised his boyfriend to stop. _

I'm such an idiot, I'm such a burden, why does Kurt still want me? Maybe I should just go, I fucked everything up with Burt so it's the best thing. He wouldn't want this for his son._ "Blaine", Kurt saw Blaine thinking deeply and getting noticeably more upset. Blaine's thoughts stopped. He reached out his hand and his boyfriend took it. After about ten minutes of Blaine just calming down and Kurt petting his hair, Kurt got up to clean the wounds. "I'm going to clean them now okay?" Kurt said. Blaine looked calm and nodded, and he was. He had Kurt to take care of him. _

_Once everything was settled, Kurt took Blaine back downstairs and they sat down on the couch again. Burt wasn't there, he didn't want to distress Blaine even more after he seemed to have calmed down. "Project Runway?" Blaine asked Kurt, he just wanted things to go back to normal. Kurt smiled at him and softly said "yeah". He turned on the tv and gave Blaine a soft peck on the cheek. _

_They laid down together, Blaine being to big spoon. He still wanted to take care of Kurt and besides, he always was the big spoon. Kurt smiled again, he knew Blaine wanted to please him and just take his mind off of everything that had happened. After Blaine tried to sit through the first episode, he fell asleep once Kurt started tracing patterns on his hands and arms. _

_Burt re-entered the room and Kurt explained the situation. He didn't say what had happened exactly or what Blaine had done, but Blaine was allowed to stay over that night and soon enough Blaine had asked Kurt to tell Burt what had happened that night. _

Burt thought back to that night, they laid there once again. After about twenty minutes since Blaine fell asleep, Kurt gently pushed Blaine aside so he could sit up straight. "You did good Kurt. What did he say?" Burt whispered, he didn't want to wake Blaine. "Just.." Kurt let out a big sigh, and turned to look at his boyfriend again. He started combing his fingers through Blaine's hair, hoping he could calm down too. "He held it in dad. Since Karofsky, he held everything in." Kurt felt sick to his stomach, he didn't want his boyfriend to feel restricted to express his emotions.

**A/N: This feels like the end, and maybe it is. So thank you to everyone who took the time to read my story. It means a lot to me. I have gained back my 'passion' for fanfiction again, so be on the look-out for some new stories maybe? We'll see. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow, who would've thought I'd update this soon again! I know I said chapter 5 was going to be the end, but I thought of a better way to end the story. It kind of is an epilogue I guess. Anyways, enjoy.**

_There they are_, Burt thought to himself when he opened Kurt's bedroom door in the morning. Blaine all tangled up in Kurt's arms, Burt could still see the exhaustion on Blaine's face. But they were sound asleep, _good_, Burt thought, _they should rest_. Luckily for the boys, Blaine's attack had happened on Friday, so they wouldn't have to worry about school. Blaine's parents were also very understanding when Burt had called them later that night. He knew Kurt had texted Pam, but he still wanted to talk to them, that's what he would've wanted if something like this happened to Kurt. Pam said that they completely understood, they have dealt with Blaine's attacks since he was 14, and that they were glad he was okay again.

An hour later or so, he could hear footsteps coming down the stairs. It turned out to be Finn, just looking for some food. "Your mom's buying some groceries right now, but feel free to see if there's anything left in the fridge Finn", Finn nodded and started looking for something to eat, maybe Kurt had left something he had made?

"How's he doing?" Finn asked after a while, finally finding some leftover lasagne from two days ago. Finn was genuinely worried for Blaine, who wouldn't? Even though his brother was Blaine's boyfriend, which meant Finn had seen Blaine like this at their house before, it was still scary. He always tried to be there for them, but when Blaine came over crying for the first time, Kurt had said to just leave him alone until Blaine would start talking to him again. He didn't know much about why Blaine was so distraught sometimes, but he knew he suffered from anxiety. And after yesterday, the whole glee club knew. Not that they didn't know Blaine had anxiety, they just didn't know how bad it was.

"He's… okay" Burt and Finn heard from an exhausted Kurt coming down the stairs. He looked sad, but kept his face neutral. "I'm sure he'll be fine in no time, that's just how he is" Finn said to Kurt, a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks Finn" Kurt said and he grabbed a glass of water. "Is he awake?" Burt asked after a minute of silence. "Yes, the water is for him. Just to wake up a little bit" Burt nodded.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked, he sat down on his bed again next to him, rubbing his back. "I have some water baby", he combed his fingers through his boyfriends dark hair, _I hope he still has some gel here_, Kurt thought to himself. He knew the gel was something Blaine could control, which he definitely needed this weekend. Blaine slowly turned around, a smile on his face once he saw Kurt. He lifted his torso up a bit, took the glass and sipped some water. "Thanks", he said with a soft smile. He rubbed Kurt's knuckles with his thumb. "I'm better now" he whispered. He placed the glass on the nightstand and looked back into the bright blue eyes. "That's good, do you want something to eat maybe? I could bring it here if you want?" Kurt asked Blaine, he knew Blaine sometimes wasn't comfortable with confronting Burt and Finn after an attack. Blaine smiled again, "It's okay, I'll go downstairs" he said. He brought his hand to Kurt's face and stroked Kurt's cheek. "You're the best boyfriend ever, did you know that?". Kurt laughed "I know", and everything seemed better.

They walked downstairs together, holding hands, and Blaine made some eggs for Kurt and him. That's the least he could do for him. Finn and Burt had relocated to the living room, giving them some privacy. "Do you want to go home or stay here? Whatever you want" Kurt asked Blaine while eating his eggs. Blaine didn't really know. Maybe he should go home, not be a burden to Burt and Carol and even Finn. Kurt sensing what Blaine was thinking quickly added "No one will mind you staying here, you're not a burden B". Blaine kissed Kurt, just a thank you for everything and to show him how much he loved him. "I love you", Blaine smirked, "and I've missed doing that". His smile grew as he kissed Kurt again, this time a bit stronger.

"So.." Blaine said once they had finished breakfast and made good use of their privacy, "a movie?". Kurt smiled and hugged him excitedly. They sat down on the couch, Burt reading the newspaper and Finn texting Rachel. "You can pick, Kurt" Blaine said, he would've normally used 'babe', but with Burt around he thought it was best not to. During the movie they cuddled, this time Kurt in Blaine's arms, with Blaine petting his hair and stroking his back. It was relaxing for the both them.

When the movie ended Finn and Burt were gone, Finn wanting some of the new groceries and Burt saying hi to Carol. "Kurt.." Blaine asked with a devious undertone. Kurt looked up from Blaine's lap, he was just relaxing Blaine's embrace and light massage, "Yeah?". "Do you think we could convince Finn to drive your car so we can drive together in mine? Back to my house? I still want some time with you, but my parents will probably be worried sick if I don't go home soon." Blaine said with a sad smile. Kurt smiled "Oh Finn will drive, he owes me", he said with a smirk and winked at Blaine. "You should do that more often", Blaine said with a intrigued voice, "I like it".

After saying goodbye and thank you to Burt and Carol, the boys left. Blaine and Kurt just talked in the car, Kurt hoping Blaine's mood would stay positive. "I hope you're okay now B, you scared me a little", Kurt said. Blaine looked over to his boyfriend for a second, sighing. "I'm sorry Kurt. I really am", Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand, "It's fine".

Once they arrived to Blaine's house, they got out and gave Finn a sign to wait for a little bit. "I love you, and I'll see you on Monday" Blaine said and gave Kurt a kiss. "Thank you Kurt, for taking care of me. You're the best" Kurt smiled and gave Blaine a hug. They walked over to the front door, hips attached and rang the doorbell. "Hi dad", Blaine said. Kurt could tell he was a bit nervous, Blaine always feels ashamed when something like this happens, and gave Blaine's hand a little squeeze. "Come here", Blaine's dad said, "are you okay?". Blaine hugged his dad and nodded. "Mom's doing some cleaning, but she'll be happy to see you", his dad rubbed his back and smiled at him. "It's good to see you again Kurt! Are you staying?", Kurt shook his head. "Oh on, my dad needs me home. Besides Finn's right there waiting for me", he said and pointed to Finn, who waved at Blaine's father. He smiled at him and waved back. "I understand. Can you thank your dad for me? It was nice of you to let Blaine stay over, you know you can come too any time you want" he said with a smile. "Oh thank you, I'm sure Blaine and I could hang out here next weekend?" he asked Blaine. Blaine smiled and nodded, "I'd love that". "I guess I have to go now though", Kurt said to the man. "I'll text you B", he stepped closer and hugged, and after looking to see if anyone was in sight, they kissed. "Call me when you're home", Blaine said happily. Kurt nodded and walked towards Finn's car, "I love you", Kurt said and Blaine answered "I love you too".


End file.
